“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

-Matthew 18:3

Over time, we take on multiple roles, positions, ideas and judgements which develop our sense of “I“. As we age this concept of “I” cements and shapes our view of the World.

So we identify as a Capitalist, as a Foodie, as a Traveller, as Male, as Shy, as Cartoon Watching. Let’s go a level further, we identify ourselves as a part of a Religion or a Gender like “Male” or “Female”. Then we have personality traits like Shy. Then we have work and education as well.

The end result is a combination of traits that we put in the “About You” Section of the Resume.

But are you all these traits or are you more? After all as we grow, we do change do we not? So who are “You”?

So we compare ourselves with everyone else on the concept of “I”. That might make you stand against certain things like “Socialists”, “Feminists” or a myriad lot of terms and groups.

Now imagine the Prime Minister is to meet you, you’d probably feel your achievements to be somewhat pale in comparison to his so you’d be at your best behaviour, put on your best clothes but most importantly you’d feel somewhat self-conscious.

Now compare that to a Baby. Ever seen a self-conscious Baby?

Babies are cool! They do not even have a concept of their own name like we do. They do not care! They do not know if they are male or female, whether they are Hindu or Jain, whether they are Socialist or Capitalist. They pick up all such programming later from those around them when they grow up.

Do you think a Baby would care about peeing on the Prime Minister if he holds the Baby? Can a Baby be a Socialist who hates Capitalists?

They say to attain liberation, all we need to do is to get rid of all or beliefs of self. But on a more practical day to day level, just question where a certain belief or sense of “I” comes from. It can help you clear a lot of emotional baggage and reveal a lot about your own self to “You”.

Some times in our lives, we look up at God and say “Had enough? Am I the Joke now or is there more nonsense that is my way?”

At times we have this feeling of complete despondency & and helplessness.

At such times do we Question from our very Being whether there is some sort of Cosmic Plan that goes into what we are going through or if there is some Grand Cosmic Plan that is beyond us yet.

Predestination is the assumption that God has a plan for all of us and that we are merely actors in the play. In that case you’re justified at having a grouse at God. If he scripted, he could get a bad rep. Your complaints are justified.

Or we have Free Will, which means advertently or inadvertently we have created this mess and it is up to us to get out of it. In such cases God gets a bad name for things we did.

Can we ever know? I am not so sure! After all there a Trillion things that have to go right for a moment to come together. Every moment in Time (which is illusory in itself) is unique and changing.

Can it be a Bit of both? Is it an eclectic mix? Or do our choices move the Universe?

Many Religious schools believe that we are all one with God and in effect we are all one. So maybe our choices do affect everyone on some level.

I do not know but I am on a quest to find out. I’ll keep you posted!

Our Minds are funny. From a fund management perspective, say “I” get a stock that goes from Rs.10 to Rs.100. I attribute it to “my stock picking skills”. “I” am an amazing stock picker and maybe the next Warren Buffett in making. Heck Warren never faced the “difficulties” “I” did.

Flip it around and say “I” have a stock that goes from Rs.10 to Re.1. In this case, “I” blame the “management” calling them thieves, blame market conditions and curse “God” with stuff like “Why Do I Get In Things Like This? Why does Only my life go to shit like this?”

Here is the issue we all face is that when things go our way, it is the “Us” and our skill, whereas when things go to shit they are external forces.

In any thing, it comes down to a sense of taking ownership and responsibility. I try not to but do end up blaming “others” a lot of time.

The point of this post is not to be preachy about this or tell others not to do it. This is just to make ourselves aware that this process happens. Once we are aware of it, we may be able to change this habit in our head & if we do we can start taking personal responsibility and when we do, we realise that we are as much (if not more) to blame for our troubles & then we begin to change!

“I” used to blog at harshilbshah.com, and had an email ID of  harshil@harshilbshah.com.I was once told this was very pompous and looked somewhat narcissistic.

Either ways, for some time I’ve been trying to figure out who “I” am. What was “I” before “I” had a name and the habits & characteristics I have picked up and discarded over the 25 or so years I’ve been on this rock.

Is the real “I” the writer of this Blog? Is the real “I” the one who reads Balance Sheets and makes investment decisions? Or is the real “I” the one sleeping?

The concept of “I” in our lives is highly fluid. What we disliked a while ago, we may love today, what beliefs we harboured when in School or College we may laugh at today. For instance early 2015, “I” always thought that iPhone users were pompous and full of themselves. And those who had 2 phones were full of Shit.

I now own an iPhone (and a Samsung Galaxy). So, am “I” full of myself and shit?

“I” is a very fluid concept. We have changed and sometimes become the very things we swore we’d never be.

This is not a blog about soul searching. Rather it is about sharing the results of one I’m on.

This is about removing the cobwebs around our concept of “I” and try to reach that “Eternal & Timeless” and I am here to share that journey.

“I” do not claim to be consistent as you can see from the iPhone example.

And as our concept of self is so fluid, “I” am here to share it if You’re interested.

If you want to get in touch, Contact “Me”!